I’m Troubled

I’ve reached a point in my life where it is difficult for me to sleep without being worn out or extremely relaxed. What I’m saying is that if I don’t have alcohol, or the good green leaf, or sex, or am completely drained from some type(s) of physical and mental excursion, me getting a “straight-thru” the night rests, is highly unlikely. Seriously, it’s almost 5 AM as I type this. Is this strange or uncommon? Is this the outcome from years of the pseudo rock star lifestyle that can come from working in the Restaurant and Hospitality Industry? Makes a difference if your single or in a relationship you say? Wishful thinking, been there done both, and had enough comrades in either situation (sometimes both simultaneously, HA!) to know that isn’t the measuring guide. I probably need to meditate more. Who am I kidding? I NEED TO MEDITATE MORE. I haven’t lost my spiritual connectivity to The Universe. But something is still awry? Almost unsettling. At the same time kind of exciting. Feels like I’m on the brink of something, I don’t know…AWESOME?!?!?! I need more focus and alignment. Yoga keeps drawing me to it. I should answer. I’m going to spend a decent chunk of dinero on myself soon. A focused investment in my physical, mental, and spiritual health. I’m talking yoga mats, gym clothes, yoga DVD’s, chanting and meditation CD’s, etc etc etc. Alll dat mayne, alll dat (there’s my take at the DC accent that I miss). Maybe I feel like time is ticking away and I’m not taking full advantage of it. God it feels good to be writing. To be expressing. To be transmitting. Give me strength, hear my words, feel my intentions, and provide clarity for my journey towards peace. I started this entry thinking I’m troubled. I’m finishing thinking I’m troubling for a different set of reasons. A smirk works towards becoming a smile. The tools are within me and all around me. It is troubling to not give thanks. I’M GIVING THANKS. Troubling to not be a part of the movement of growth. I accept the rain. A pal of mine said “if you’re not growing you’re dying.” The rain is pouring. I smell it in the air and I’m really smiling now. Grow John E. Rockits. GROW

STREAMS...

To You-niverse

You ever get the feeling that you’ve known all along but for some reason you keep doing things and making decisions that counter your natural senses? I have. And I plan on doing less of it going forward. Matter of fact, I WILL do less of it going forward. I’m in a space right now. Finding the balance where I can identify what’s going on without disrupting my perpetual motion. Onward and Upward. Progress. Experience. Excitement. I want it all. I need it all. If not, I’ll always be here. Not that here is a bad place, it’s OK. But ok is overall wack. I mean, I’m not an OK person. I’ve actually been told that I’m pretty phuking awesome. You know what? I believe that. I KNOW THAT. So what am I doing here? Well, that’s a journey that maybe if I start seeing a psychiatrist could be easier explained. I may be able to figure it out through writing though, we’ll see. No matter what, I can’t deny that my fingers touching this keypad on my laptop feels SO GOOD. I’m starting to get tired but I’m not going to stop. Life lesson right? IMPACT. The past is the past and for the most part, I’ve come clean and have resolved it. What’s new? What’s next? What’s upper? All questions I ask various friends, colleagues, and associates of mine; and yet I’m sitting here asking myself the question for the 1st time in a long time. Time for Change. Ok, so just do it already. I’m about to get another job. You see, I started a company (www.thepopshop.us), and it rocks. It takes time and courage to pay yourself and run a successful company. The company deserves to live and grow, so support it y’all ;-) Me having to get more employment seems like a blessing on several levels, all of which I don’t want to talk about right now but maybe later…? I need to be around more people. Don’t get me wrong, I meet wonderful people that are providers of great products and services in the Food Industry. I’m talking caterers, personal chefs, bakers, farmers, community organizers and activists, and even some cool politicians. My guests, customers, and clients are some of the best. I do LOVE THEM. At the same time, there’s a level of “cloudiness” that at times can be nauseating, other times exciting, other times comical, and sometimes downright frustrating. I take the pleasure with the pain and am fortunate to have experienced more of the first. Oh yes, there are costs, but also so much profit, I’m not strictly speaking financial. I feel I’m ready to get back to something where the input/output process is more defined and consistent. More stability I suppose. And while doing that, create some side projects that become major projects, and then go from there. A semester teaching at a community college, 3 months going up and down the US West Coast and conceptualizing and creating T-Shirts and art, back for a semester teaching. 1 year writing a book, something like that lifestyle. Time to try it out. Operation Stable commences now and then take it from there. I mean, don’t I deserve that? Doesn’t my family deserve that? Don’t y’all deserve that? I think so. The wonderful thing is that life is fluid and if I am carried another way, I know it is where I’m meant to be. But screw that right now. Control the things that you can. More people, including myself, need me consistently. I’ve been drifting for a few years. Time to dig in and test myself a little deeper. Partying like a rock star and sexing like a porn star are things that I’ll always have in me, matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind a taste of both right now. More is needed right now though. I’m not fulfilled and everything ain’t as fun as it’s been, or better yet as it should be. I’m still smiling and feeling good. Hell, I’m even looking pretty good. But damnit, it’s time for more. Let it be known, I’m ready to SMACK you in the face with my awesomeness. For those that don’t like it, it’s ok, everything isn’t for everybody. But for those that do…come here, here’s another SMACK! You like that right? Good, more coming. Shout out to all of you’s that have contributed to my journey. 2010 was…not exactly what I expected :-\ 2011 is what I’m going to make it.

Namaste SMACK!!!
1/20/11 7:17am

WORDS HAVE POWER - 10

morning of the Shout Outs!!!...to one of Baton Rouge's BEST, thank you for THE BLESSING of Mr. Namir. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, owww owww OWWW!!! to Haiti, L'UNION FAIT LA FORCE and all that. thank you for stirring my soul agin, i needed it. i hear you talking. i feel you. i haven't forgotten you NO. ATH, GA. I love you, the place and the people. You at times warm me in ways I tried to forget. mr. alliterate, L'ete Noir, you already...you did it homie!!! keep it goin...DC, ATL, and all places far and between for holding me up and never letting me fall down too long. Shout out tpd (the park district), young mouzzz, westdie ruffles, k niles, my niggi, shuffle, ath mariesha, z rooffus, l boogie, morganomics, kirkwood zk, lady warehouse photographer, da you-ni-verse, ronke. MOM & DAD. 2010, i think you'll be less worried. I'm working on it, YES!!! Okkk, this could go on forever, i hope it does in ways, HABITUAL TIME TRAVELER...i'm off to finish my gin gimlet(i'd love a tom collins), wine, and tuna (edgewood kroger, get wit it), in my kitchen...I'm done talking, for now ;-P TRUST AND BELIEVE

WORDS HAVE POWER - 9

Let me know
Do I still got time to grow
Things ain't always set in stone
That be known let me know
Let me
Seems like, street lights, glowin
Happen to be just like moments, passin
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
All the streets, glowin
Happen to be just like moments, passin
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
In the streets
In the, streets
I'm just not there in the streets
I'm just not there
Life's just not fair
Seems like, street lights, glowin
Happen to be just like moments, passin
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
All the street lights, glowin
Happen to be just like moments, passin
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
All the street lights, glowin
Happen to be just like moments, passin
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
In the streets
In the, streets
I'm just not there in the streets
I'm just not there
Life's just not fair
Life's just not fair

- Kanye West "Street Lights" -

WORDS HAVE POWER - 8

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THINGS AREN'T GOOD.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THINGS AREN'T GOOD!
WE KNOW THE AIR'S UNFIT TO BREATHE
AND OUR FOOD IS UNFIT TO EAT!
YOUNG PUNKS ARE RUNNING THE STREET
NO ONE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO DO
AND THERE'S NO END TO IT!
THE DOLLAR BUYS A PENNY'S WORTH!
BANKS ARE GOING UNDER
CONGRESS ARE KEEPING A GUN UNDER THE COUNTER!
WE SIT WATCHING OUR IDIOT BOXES
WHILE SOME LOCAL ANCHOR MAN
TELLS US THAT
TODAY WE'VE HAD 18 MURDERS AND 80 VIOLENT CRIMES
AS IF THAT WAS THE WAY THINGS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE!
WE KNOW TIMES ARE BAD!
WORSE THAN BAD!
PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!
ITS LIKE EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE
IS GOING UTTERLY MAD!
SO WE NEVER LEAVE OUR HOMES!
WE SIT IN OUR COMFY ABODES
WHILE THE WORLD IS GETTING SMALLER
AND WE SAY, COME ON!
AT LEAST LEAVE US ALONE IN OUR FAMILY ROOMS
LET ME HAVE MY MICROWAVE
AND FLATSCREEN
AND MY 20-INCH RIMS
AND I WON'T SAY ANYTHING!
JUST LEAVE US ALONE!!
WELL I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE!!!
I WANT YOU TO GET ANGRY!!!!
I DON'T WANT YOU TO RIOT,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO PROTEST,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WRITE YOUR SENATOR,
BECAUSE I WON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU TO TELL HIM!!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE RECCESSION,
AND THE INFLATION,
AND THE CRIME IN THE STREET!!
ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU GOT TO GET MAD!!!
YOU'VE GOT TO SAY:
I'M A HUMAN BEING, DAMMIT!!!!!
MY LIFE HAS VALUE!!!!!!
- "Twinkle" from New AmErykah album

WORDS HAVE POWER - 7

I believe that LIFE requires BALANCE. This is my reply to Words have Power - 6.

I LOVE YOU. I don't want to fight anymore like this...Can we please PLEASE STOP?!?! Let's be friends :-) We already got the soulmate thing down so let's ease into things and not be so demanding, selfish, biased, possessive, etc. Trust, communication, respect, dedication...new day same formula. Anytime and Everytime. What do you say?

Mucho Amour,
John E. Rock Its

I'm saying it. I'm believing it. I'm doing it. I feel good about it. I'm giving thanks :-)

WORDS HAVE POWER - 6

CONTINUE to do whatever the phuk you have to do It is after all YOU B4 ME You took advantage of that so I can't be too bothered after all i presented the exercise PHUK IT I frankly don't give a shit that I am bloody and bruised because NOTHING and NO ONE can make me bowed forever Champion and King mentality soooo I WILL KEEP RISING The whole muthaphukin shit we we were doing was a false reality anyway right Well good I have many TRUE stellar performances left for the UNIVERSE :-) I am disappointed a little sad and upset but overall I am happy that you have presented yourself fully and truly Everything comes to THE LIGHT Thank you for everything Please don't donate my things I will personally come and get them as I said I will do

Still getting better and better our last conversation reiterated that I should trust my instincts even more I WILL I know you I was there I now hear you loud and clear I humble myself and I BELIEVE

LOVE ALWAYS ANYTIME & EVERYTIME

John E. Phukin Rock Its - gOODBYE fOR nOW
GOD is
GODDESS

I'm saying it. I'm believing it. I'm doing it. I feel good about it. I'm giving thanks :-)

WORDS HAVE POWER - 5

“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.”

“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”
- Leo F. Buscaglia -

“Love lasts when the relationship comes first.”

“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”
- Anthony Robbins -

“Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.”
- Oprah Winfrey -

I'm saying it. I'm believing it. I'm doing it. I feel good about it. I'm giving thanks :-)

WORDS HAVE POWER - 4

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
- Gail Devers -

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”
- Patrick Overton -

“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”
- Unknown -

“Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods”
- C.S. Lewis -

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”
- Mary Manin Morrissey -

I'm saying it. I'm believing it. I'm doing it. I feel good about it. I'm giving thanks :-)

WORDS HAVE POWER - 3

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.
~ Flavia Weedn ~

I'm saying it. I'm believing it. I'm doing it. I feel good about it. I'm giving thanks :-)

WORDS HAVE POWER - 2

“Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche (German classical Scholar, Philosopher and Critic of culture, 1844-1900.)

I'm saying it. I'm believing it. I'm doing it. I feel good about it. I'm giving thanks :-)

WORDS HAVE POWER - 1

"Let him sleep. For when he wakes, he will move mountains."

I'm saying it. I'm believing it. I'm doing it. I feel good about it. I'm giving thanks :-)

Here's something I came across today that is resonating with me: Words vibrate energy, energy that influences you and all around you... Words have vibrational frequency. Just as colors and numbers can be associated with a vibrational frequency, so can sounds and words. Every letter of the alphabet can be associated with a number and every number (and every colour ) can be associated with a musical note. When letters are strung together to form a specific sound or word, the word is "charged" in a sense, with a specific frequency that is more than the sum of its parts, and that word then, influences all who think, read, speak or hear it.Words are even further charged as humans attach certain emotions to specific words... think of how the word "gay" has taken on new meaning - and vibrational frequency - as folks stopped using the word to mean "happy" to use it instead to mean "homosexual".
The bible says "In the beginning was the word", inferring that the universe, all of God's creation was created from some spoken expression, a Godly sound. (Source: http://globalpsychics.com/. This site is FULL of awesome info!!!)

Give Thanks :-)