I’m Troubled

I’ve reached a point in my life where it is difficult for me to sleep without being worn out or extremely relaxed. What I’m saying is that if I don’t have alcohol, or the good green leaf, or sex, or am completely drained from some type(s) of physical and mental excursion, me getting a “straight-thru” the night rests, is highly unlikely. Seriously, it’s almost 5 AM as I type this. Is this strange or uncommon? Is this the outcome from years of the pseudo rock star lifestyle that can come from working in the Restaurant and Hospitality Industry? Makes a difference if your single or in a relationship you say? Wishful thinking, been there done both, and had enough comrades in either situation (sometimes both simultaneously, HA!) to know that isn’t the measuring guide. I probably need to meditate more. Who am I kidding? I NEED TO MEDITATE MORE. I haven’t lost my spiritual connectivity to The Universe. But something is still awry? Almost unsettling. At the same time kind of exciting. Feels like I’m on the brink of something, I don’t know…AWESOME?!?!?! I need more focus and alignment. Yoga keeps drawing me to it. I should answer. I’m going to spend a decent chunk of dinero on myself soon. A focused investment in my physical, mental, and spiritual health. I’m talking yoga mats, gym clothes, yoga DVD’s, chanting and meditation CD’s, etc etc etc. Alll dat mayne, alll dat (there’s my take at the DC accent that I miss). Maybe I feel like time is ticking away and I’m not taking full advantage of it. God it feels good to be writing. To be expressing. To be transmitting. Give me strength, hear my words, feel my intentions, and provide clarity for my journey towards peace. I started this entry thinking I’m troubled. I’m finishing thinking I’m troubling for a different set of reasons. A smirk works towards becoming a smile. The tools are within me and all around me. It is troubling to not give thanks. I’M GIVING THANKS. Troubling to not be a part of the movement of growth. I accept the rain. A pal of mine said “if you’re not growing you’re dying.” The rain is pouring. I smell it in the air and I’m really smiling now. Grow John E. Rockits. GROW