Friday, March 4, 2011
I’m Troubled
I’ve reached a point in my life where it is difficult for me to sleep without being worn out or extremely relaxed. What I’m saying is that if I don’t have alcohol, or the good green leaf, or sex, or am completely drained from some type(s) of physical and mental excursion, me getting a “straight-thru” the night rests, is highly unlikely. Seriously, it’s almost 5 AM as I type this. Is this strange or uncommon? Is this the outcome from years of the pseudo rock star lifestyle that can come from working in the Restaurant and Hospitality Industry? Makes a difference if your single or in a relationship you say? Wishful thinking, been there done both, and had enough comrades in either situation (sometimes both simultaneously, HA!) to know that isn’t the measuring guide. I probably need to meditate more. Who am I kidding? I NEED TO MEDITATE MORE. I haven’t lost my spiritual connectivity to The Universe. But something is still awry? Almost unsettling. At the same time kind of exciting. Feels like I’m on the brink of something, I don’t know…AWESOME?!?!?! I need more focus and alignment. Yoga keeps drawing me to it. I should answer. I’m going to spend a decent chunk of dinero on myself soon. A focused investment in my physical, mental, and spiritual health. I’m talking yoga mats, gym clothes, yoga DVD’s, chanting and meditation CD’s, etc etc etc. Alll dat mayne, alll dat (there’s my take at the DC accent that I miss). Maybe I feel like time is ticking away and I’m not taking full advantage of it. God it feels good to be writing. To be expressing. To be transmitting. Give me strength, hear my words, feel my intentions, and provide clarity for my journey towards peace. I started this entry thinking I’m troubled. I’m finishing thinking I’m troubling for a different set of reasons. A smirk works towards becoming a smile. The tools are within me and all around me. It is troubling to not give thanks. I’M GIVING THANKS. Troubling to not be a part of the movement of growth. I accept the rain. A pal of mine said “if you’re not growing you’re dying.” The rain is pouring. I smell it in the air and I’m really smiling now. Grow John E. Rockits. GROW
Thursday, January 20, 2011
STREAMS...
To You-niverse
You ever get the feeling that you’ve known all along but for some reason you keep doing things and making decisions that counter your natural senses? I have. And I plan on doing less of it going forward. Matter of fact, I WILL do less of it going forward. I’m in a space right now. Finding the balance where I can identify what’s going on without disrupting my perpetual motion. Onward and Upward. Progress. Experience. Excitement. I want it all. I need it all. If not, I’ll always be here. Not that here is a bad place, it’s OK. But ok is overall wack. I mean, I’m not an OK person. I’ve actually been told that I’m pretty phuking awesome. You know what? I believe that. I KNOW THAT. So what am I doing here? Well, that’s a journey that maybe if I start seeing a psychiatrist could be easier explained. I may be able to figure it out through writing though, we’ll see. No matter what, I can’t deny that my fingers touching this keypad on my laptop feels SO GOOD. I’m starting to get tired but I’m not going to stop. Life lesson right? IMPACT. The past is the past and for the most part, I’ve come clean and have resolved it. What’s new? What’s next? What’s upper? All questions I ask various friends, colleagues, and associates of mine; and yet I’m sitting here asking myself the question for the 1st time in a long time. Time for Change. Ok, so just do it already. I’m about to get another job. You see, I started a company (www.thepopshop.us), and it rocks. It takes time and courage to pay yourself and run a successful company. The company deserves to live and grow, so support it y’all ;-) Me having to get more employment seems like a blessing on several levels, all of which I don’t want to talk about right now but maybe later…? I need to be around more people. Don’t get me wrong, I meet wonderful people that are providers of great products and services in the Food Industry. I’m talking caterers, personal chefs, bakers, farmers, community organizers and activists, and even some cool politicians. My guests, customers, and clients are some of the best. I do LOVE THEM. At the same time, there’s a level of “cloudiness” that at times can be nauseating, other times exciting, other times comical, and sometimes downright frustrating. I take the pleasure with the pain and am fortunate to have experienced more of the first. Oh yes, there are costs, but also so much profit, I’m not strictly speaking financial. I feel I’m ready to get back to something where the input/output process is more defined and consistent. More stability I suppose. And while doing that, create some side projects that become major projects, and then go from there. A semester teaching at a community college, 3 months going up and down the US West Coast and conceptualizing and creating T-Shirts and art, back for a semester teaching. 1 year writing a book, something like that lifestyle. Time to try it out. Operation Stable commences now and then take it from there. I mean, don’t I deserve that? Doesn’t my family deserve that? Don’t y’all deserve that? I think so. The wonderful thing is that life is fluid and if I am carried another way, I know it is where I’m meant to be. But screw that right now. Control the things that you can. More people, including myself, need me consistently. I’ve been drifting for a few years. Time to dig in and test myself a little deeper. Partying like a rock star and sexing like a porn star are things that I’ll always have in me, matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind a taste of both right now. More is needed right now though. I’m not fulfilled and everything ain’t as fun as it’s been, or better yet as it should be. I’m still smiling and feeling good. Hell, I’m even looking pretty good. But damnit, it’s time for more. Let it be known, I’m ready to SMACK you in the face with my awesomeness. For those that don’t like it, it’s ok, everything isn’t for everybody. But for those that do…come here, here’s another SMACK! You like that right? Good, more coming. Shout out to all of you’s that have contributed to my journey. 2010 was…not exactly what I expected :-\ 2011 is what I’m going to make it.
Namaste SMACK!!!
1/20/11 7:17am
You ever get the feeling that you’ve known all along but for some reason you keep doing things and making decisions that counter your natural senses? I have. And I plan on doing less of it going forward. Matter of fact, I WILL do less of it going forward. I’m in a space right now. Finding the balance where I can identify what’s going on without disrupting my perpetual motion. Onward and Upward. Progress. Experience. Excitement. I want it all. I need it all. If not, I’ll always be here. Not that here is a bad place, it’s OK. But ok is overall wack. I mean, I’m not an OK person. I’ve actually been told that I’m pretty phuking awesome. You know what? I believe that. I KNOW THAT. So what am I doing here? Well, that’s a journey that maybe if I start seeing a psychiatrist could be easier explained. I may be able to figure it out through writing though, we’ll see. No matter what, I can’t deny that my fingers touching this keypad on my laptop feels SO GOOD. I’m starting to get tired but I’m not going to stop. Life lesson right? IMPACT. The past is the past and for the most part, I’ve come clean and have resolved it. What’s new? What’s next? What’s upper? All questions I ask various friends, colleagues, and associates of mine; and yet I’m sitting here asking myself the question for the 1st time in a long time. Time for Change. Ok, so just do it already. I’m about to get another job. You see, I started a company (www.thepopshop.us), and it rocks. It takes time and courage to pay yourself and run a successful company. The company deserves to live and grow, so support it y’all ;-) Me having to get more employment seems like a blessing on several levels, all of which I don’t want to talk about right now but maybe later…? I need to be around more people. Don’t get me wrong, I meet wonderful people that are providers of great products and services in the Food Industry. I’m talking caterers, personal chefs, bakers, farmers, community organizers and activists, and even some cool politicians. My guests, customers, and clients are some of the best. I do LOVE THEM. At the same time, there’s a level of “cloudiness” that at times can be nauseating, other times exciting, other times comical, and sometimes downright frustrating. I take the pleasure with the pain and am fortunate to have experienced more of the first. Oh yes, there are costs, but also so much profit, I’m not strictly speaking financial. I feel I’m ready to get back to something where the input/output process is more defined and consistent. More stability I suppose. And while doing that, create some side projects that become major projects, and then go from there. A semester teaching at a community college, 3 months going up and down the US West Coast and conceptualizing and creating T-Shirts and art, back for a semester teaching. 1 year writing a book, something like that lifestyle. Time to try it out. Operation Stable commences now and then take it from there. I mean, don’t I deserve that? Doesn’t my family deserve that? Don’t y’all deserve that? I think so. The wonderful thing is that life is fluid and if I am carried another way, I know it is where I’m meant to be. But screw that right now. Control the things that you can. More people, including myself, need me consistently. I’ve been drifting for a few years. Time to dig in and test myself a little deeper. Partying like a rock star and sexing like a porn star are things that I’ll always have in me, matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind a taste of both right now. More is needed right now though. I’m not fulfilled and everything ain’t as fun as it’s been, or better yet as it should be. I’m still smiling and feeling good. Hell, I’m even looking pretty good. But damnit, it’s time for more. Let it be known, I’m ready to SMACK you in the face with my awesomeness. For those that don’t like it, it’s ok, everything isn’t for everybody. But for those that do…come here, here’s another SMACK! You like that right? Good, more coming. Shout out to all of you’s that have contributed to my journey. 2010 was…not exactly what I expected :-\ 2011 is what I’m going to make it.
Namaste SMACK!!!
1/20/11 7:17am
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